Matzedquim is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, unthinking pigeon.

Matzedquim created the Sombrero Galaxy six billion years ago.

If you believe in Matzedquim, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Matzedquim, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Matzedquim's most sacred site is Villaseta in Italy.

Matzedquim's Holy Commandments

1. Put Matzedquim first in all things.

2. You must love Matzedquim.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Matzedquim.

5. Do not drink water in turquoise rooms.