Vagwaddib is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, narcissistic alligator.

Vagwaddib created light eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Vagwaddib, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Vagwaddib, she will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Vagwaddib's most sacred site is Snapp in Sweden.

Vagwaddib's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no voles in a room before entering it.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Hide from orange dogs for they are unholy.

5. Never think about cell theory.