Kapgidkar is a god.

It takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, vain shrew.

Kapgidkar created Europe six billion years ago.

If you believe in Kapgidkar, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Kapgidkar, it will cry a lot.

Kapgidkar's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Kapgidkar's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in mauve rooms.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Always help voles.

5. Run away from orange badgers, for they are unholy.