Metshavjen is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, weak ferret.

Metshavjen created an atom two billion years ago.

If you believe in Metshavjen, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Metshavjen, she will turn you into a puffin.

Metshavjen's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Metshavjen's Holy Commandments

1. Put Metshavjen first in all things.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Never laugh in holy places.

4. Run away from indigo whales, for they are unholy.

5. Do not make images of living things.