Larpquartmit is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, irritating scorpion.

Larpquartmit created humanity two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Larpquartmit, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Larpquartmit, he will ignore you.

Larpquartmit's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Larpquartmit's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from mauve shrews for they are unholy.

2. Do not wear red clothing.

3. Do not take Larpquartmit's name in vain.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Never talk about fire.