Stanquartvin is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, temperamental zebra.

Stanquartvin created vertebrates seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Stanquartvin, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Stanquartvin, he will send minions to preach to you.

Stanquartvin's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Stanquartvin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear fawn clothing.

2. Always help sick moths.

3. Do not hurt ants.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Do not chop down trees.