Zanarmtarg is a god.

It takes the form of a galaxy-sized, ruthless tortoise.

Zanarmtarg created a Higgs boson seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zanarmtarg, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Zanarmtarg, it will turn you into a small brown duck.

Zanarmtarg's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Zanarmtarg's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from violet swans for they are unholy.

2. Never eat beans.

3. Erect a large aluminium sculpture of Zanarmtarg on top of all buildings.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Never think about nebulae.