Pankemcim is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, calm tapir.

Pankemcim created gold six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Pankemcim, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Pankemcim, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Pankemcim's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Pankemcim's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

5. Always pray immersed in water.