Hanpib is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, witty unicorn.

Hanpib created carbon nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hanpib, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Hanpib, he will cry a lot.

Hanpib's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Hanpib's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Hanpib's name in vain.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Erect a large lead sculpture of Hanpib on top of all buildings.

5. Always look after injured rats.