Cetzessvin is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, dishonourable warg.

Cetzessvin created tapeworms two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cetzessvin, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Cetzessvin, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Cetzessvin's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Cetzessvin's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate capybaras.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Never eat beans.

4. Always treat snails with great respect.

5. Always pray immersed in water.