Gemfemjarntam is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, all-knowing hedgehog.

Gemfemjarntam created the Small Magellanic Cloud two billion years ago.

If you believe in Gemfemjarntam, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Gemfemjarntam, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Gemfemjarntam's most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Gemfemjarntam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat bread.

2. Never wear violet shirts.

3. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

4. Always help eagles.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Gemfemjarntam.