Pakbimsangab is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, loving lobster.

Pakbimsangab created dark energy three billion years ago.

If you believe in Pakbimsangab, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Pakbimsangab, she will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Pakbimsangab's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Pakbimsangab's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about evolution by means of natural selection.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Never go into green rooms.

5. Do not chop down trees.