Tifwottom is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, humane elephant.

Tifwottom created Europe four million years ago.

If you believe in Tifwottom, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Tifwottom, it will be very sad.

Tifwottom's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Tifwottom's Holy Commandments

1. Put Tifwottom first in all things.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Never wear fawn tights.

5. Hide if five porpoises approach from the north.