Kimdapquaf is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, unselfish slug.

Kimdapquaf created dark energy five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kimdapquaf, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Kimdapquaf, it will turn you into an amoeba.

Kimdapquaf's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Kimdapquaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt shrews.

2. Erect a large zinc sculpture of Kimdapquaf on top of all buildings.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Great tits are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Ducks are not to be trusted.