Tigjonflat Sawxemkin is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, narcissistic manatee.

Tigjonflat Sawxemkin created light nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tigjonflat Sawxemkin, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Tigjonflat Sawxemkin, she will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Tigjonflat Sawxemkin's most sacred site is Demsin in Germany.

Tigjonflat Sawxemkin's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Tigjonflat Sawxemkin.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Tigjonflat Sawxemkin.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Never think about evolution by means of natural selection.