Kimnulltarp is a god.

He takes the form of a large, temperamental seal.

Kimnulltarp created matter eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kimnulltarp, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Kimnulltarp, he will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Kimnulltarp's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Kimnulltarp's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Kimnulltarp loves doves, so they must be honoured.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Respect your elders.