Vonknarkem is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, selfish wolf.

Vonknarkem created oxygen four billion years ago.

If you believe in Vonknarkem, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Vonknarkem, she will turn you into a small brown duck.

Vonknarkem's most sacred site is Denshawai in Egypt.

Vonknarkem's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Never write about amino acids.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Do not shave your back.