Dutlarpquam Podjarnzag is a god.

It takes the form of a two thousand metre long, passionate hummingbird.

Dutlarpquam Podjarnzag created snails four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dutlarpquam Podjarnzag, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Dutlarpquam Podjarnzag, it will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Dutlarpquam Podjarnzag's most sacred site is Ans in Denmark.

Dutlarpquam Podjarnzag's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no voles in a room before entering it.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. You must pray to Dutlarpquam Podjarnzag nine times a day.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Do not speak about peanuts.