Loopkankom is a god.

She takes the form of a slender, prudent dolphin.

Loopkankom created the universe three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Loopkankom, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Loopkankom, she will jump up and down on your head.

Loopkankom's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Loopkankom's Holy Commandments

1. Never laugh in the presence of turtles.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Erect five silver sculptures of Loopkankom on top of important buildings.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Loopkankom.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.