Botkanyog is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, caring crab.

Botkanyog created the planet Earth three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Botkanyog, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Botkanyog, he will be very unhappy.

Botkanyog's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Botkanyog's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Erect eight tin sculptures of Botkanyog on top of important buildings.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Never talk about dolphins.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.