Wabcumhim is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, overgenerous shrew.

Wabcumhim created everything that exists nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Wabcumhim, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Wabcumhim, it will turn you into a rock.

Wabcumhim's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Wabcumhim's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Do not take Wabcumhim's name in vain.

4. You must never eat bread.

5. Never look in ponds.