Jonzanbest is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, selfish wren.

Jonzanbest created an up quark seven million years ago.

If you believe in Jonzanbest, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Jonzanbest, it will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Jonzanbest's most sacred site is Thimmanaickenpalayam in India.

Jonzanbest's Holy Commandments

1. Erect nine lead sculptures of Jonzanbest on top of important buildings.

2. Do not sit in public.

3. Never write about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

4. Always make sure there are no moths in a building before entering it.

5. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.