Cetlampit is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, slow aardvark.

Cetlampit created water eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cetlampit, it will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Cetlampit, it will turn you into a duck.

Cetlampit's most sacred site is Questenberg in Germany.

Cetlampit's Holy Commandments

1. Erect four iron sculptures of Cetlampit on top of important buildings.

2. You must never eat grapes.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never wear skirts.