Bassnatlam is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, able hamster.

Bassnatlam created a down quark eight million years ago.

If you believe in Bassnatlam, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Bassnatlam, she will destroy your favourite solar system.

Bassnatlam's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Bassnatlam's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from turquoise capybaras for they are unholy.

2. Always help sick snails.

3. Never write about gravity.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Put Bassnatlam first in all things.