Toncetmat is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, unfair sheep.

Toncetmat created humankind two billion years ago.

If you believe in Toncetmat, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Toncetmat, it will ignore you and hope you go away.

Toncetmat's most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Toncetmat's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate mice.

3. Never run near badgers.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.