Tunsigbarn is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, unjust gorilla.

Tunsigbarn created the Large Magellanic Cloud seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tunsigbarn, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Tunsigbarn, he will destroy your home solar system.

Tunsigbarn's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Tunsigbarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

2. Always stare at clouds.

3. Never sit in the presence of turtles.

4. Always help hamsters in need.

5. Always pray immersed in water.