Gamtapbeghiv is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, all-knowing elephant.

Gamtapbeghiv created the planet Jupiter six billion years ago.

If you believe in Gamtapbeghiv, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Gamtapbeghiv, he will make you grow a tail.

Gamtapbeghiv's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Gamtapbeghiv's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lemons to nematodes while wearing violet boots.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate frogs.

3. Always help sick sharks.

4. Erect six silicon sculptures of Gamtapbeghiv on top of important buildings.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.