Xinyartsid is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, astonishing yak.

Xinyartsid created dark energy seven million years ago.

If you believe in Xinyartsid, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Xinyartsid, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Xinyartsid's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Xinyartsid's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Do not trade with those who eat corn.

3. Never wear black kilts.

4. Do not wear turquoise clothing.

5. Xinyartsid loves badgers, so they must be respected.