Bepgumpon is a god.

She takes the form of a small, contented jackal.

Bepgumpon created a top quark five million years ago.

If you believe in Bepgumpon, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Bepgumpon, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Bepgumpon's most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Bepgumpon's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat nuts.

2. Run away from red squirrels, for they are unholy.

3. Never mention otters.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of silicon.

5. Put Bepgumpon first in all things.