Lidtikarmkam is a god.

He takes the form of a small, temperamental guinea pig.

Lidtikarmkam created a quark nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lidtikarmkam, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Lidtikarmkam, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Lidtikarmkam's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Lidtikarmkam's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Lidtikarmkam.

2. Never think about gravity.

3. Do not hurt mites.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.