Tonkvolfit is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, self-assured owl.

Tonkvolfit created an up quark two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tonkvolfit, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Tonkvolfit, he will cry a lot.

Tonkvolfit's most sacred site is Taktser in China.

Tonkvolfit's Holy Commandments

1. Never run in the presence of otters.

2. Do not dye your hair brown.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Never sing near manatees.