Gesswipdud is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, staggering bear.

Gesswipdud created a Higgs boson three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gesswipdud, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Gesswipdud, she will try to impress you with trees.

Gesswipdud's most sacred site is Cobbel in Germany.

Gesswipdud's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Do not speak about oranges.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Gesswipdud.

5. Pray towards the west.