Volwiparf is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, overgenerous squid.

Volwiparf created a bottom quark eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Volwiparf, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Volwiparf, she will laugh at you.

Volwiparf's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Volwiparf's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about comets.

2. Never write about cell theory.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Never write about moons.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate snakes.