Nellfunvig is a god.

He takes the form of a six thousand metre long, benevolent toad.

Nellfunvig created a quark nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Nellfunvig, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Nellfunvig, he will ignore you.

Nellfunvig's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Nellfunvig's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never feed tomatoes to capybaras while wearing purple ear rings.

3. Run away if seven mice approach from the north.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Do not hurt bats.