Weejopnig is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, contented alligator.

Weejopnig created snails eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Weejopnig, she will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Weejopnig, she will turn you into a mouse.

Weejopnig's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Weejopnig's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat bread.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Hide from blue dolphins for they are unholy.

4. Retreat if eight grasshopers approach from the east.

5. Never jump in the presence of nematodes.