Tofnanwan is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, conceited shark.

Tofnanwan created tapeworms two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tofnanwan, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Tofnanwan, it will turn you into a slug.

Tofnanwan's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Tofnanwan's Holy Commandments

1. Never run near sharks.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Tofnanwan.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Never mention bats.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.