Nadcitved is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, passionate weasel.

Nadcitved created the universe seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nadcitved, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Nadcitved, it will throw large rocks at you.

Nadcitved's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Nadcitved's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate monkeys.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Ants are not to be trusted.

5. Never run in holy places.