Tonbapyik is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, resourceful yak.

Tonbapyik created an electron six billion years ago.

If you believe in Tonbapyik, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Tonbapyik, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Tonbapyik's most sacred site is Gulval in England.

Tonbapyik's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Never eat oranges.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Never go into turquoise rooms.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.