Kapnurlzak is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, awesome otter.

Kapnurlzak created carbon two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kapnurlzak, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Kapnurlzak, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Kapnurlzak's most sacred site is Romlund in Denmark.

Kapnurlzak's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured snails.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Never look at black holes.

4. Always help capybaras.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.