Cidvabzen is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, idiotic walrus.

Cidvabzen created oxygen three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cidvabzen, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Cidvabzen, it will ignore you and hope you go away.

Cidvabzen's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Cidvabzen's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Erect a large copper sculpture of Cidvabzen on top of all buildings.

3. Never eat bananas.

4. Always obey Cidvabzen's priests.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate tapirs.