Shavzabvolkar is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely small, vain dingo.

Shavzabvolkar created Africa three million years ago.

If you believe in Shavzabvolkar, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Shavzabvolkar, it will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Shavzabvolkar's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Shavzabvolkar's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Porpoises are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Always help sick doves.

5. Never write about gravity.