Vonklanomin Largfodfut is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, confident swan.

Vonklanomin Largfodfut created a Higgs boson two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vonklanomin Largfodfut, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Vonklanomin Largfodfut, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Vonklanomin Largfodfut's most sacred site is Dornbock in Germany.

Vonklanomin Largfodfut's Holy Commandments

1. Mites are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Never look at planets.

3. Do not shave your feet.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not dye your hair brown.