Baftargtadmilmandabtunnurl is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, tiresome dugong.

Baftargtadmilmandabtunnurl created an electron five million years ago.

If you believe in Baftargtadmilmandabtunnurl, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Baftargtadmilmandabtunnurl, he will turn you into a blue tit.

Baftargtadmilmandabtunnurl's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Baftargtadmilmandabtunnurl's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never think about evolution by means of natural selection.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate frogs.

4. Do not drink water in fawn rooms.

5. Do not kill otters.