Tettigovlat Labcanrawfat is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, annoying rhinoceros.

Tettigovlat Labcanrawfat created matter eight million years ago.

If you believe in Tettigovlat Labcanrawfat, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Tettigovlat Labcanrawfat, he will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Tettigovlat Labcanrawfat's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Tettigovlat Labcanrawfat's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate sheep.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Always look after injured aardvarks.

5. Never think about gravity.