Satmiprip Jonmonnel is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, unthoughtful mole.

Satmiprip Jonmonnel created the planet Mars eight million years ago.

If you believe in Satmiprip Jonmonnel, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Satmiprip Jonmonnel, he will destroy your favourite solar system.

Satmiprip Jonmonnel's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Satmiprip Jonmonnel's Holy Commandments

1. Whales are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of silver.

4. Put Satmiprip Jonmonnel first in all things.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.