Monsompod is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, all-knowing wyrm.

Monsompod created Europe eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Monsompod, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Monsompod, he will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Monsompod's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Monsompod's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Monsompod.

2. Do not wear iron on your body.

3. Never think ill of sick grasshopers.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Do not eat lemons.