Kadvidnig is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, tiresome yak.

Kadvidnig created snails five billion years ago.

If you believe in Kadvidnig, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Kadvidnig, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Kadvidnig's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Kadvidnig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Never mention goats.

3. Always obey Kadvidnig's priests.

4. Mites are not to be trusted.

5. Never paint your neck white.