Lopjadbud is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, self-confident ant.

Lopjadbud created humankind eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lopjadbud, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Lopjadbud, it will turn you into a rock.

Lopjadbud's most sacred site is Taktser in China.

Lopjadbud's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat limes.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Never talk about planets.