Taildimgon Fetlapnak is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, happy guinea pig.

Taildimgon Fetlapnak created the Tadpole Galaxy five million years ago.

If you believe in Taildimgon Fetlapnak, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Taildimgon Fetlapnak, it will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Taildimgon Fetlapnak's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Taildimgon Fetlapnak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Never run in holy places.