Tamgadhudnurlgumvolhig is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, almighty cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Tamgadhudnurlgumvolhig created snails seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tamgadhudnurlgumvolhig, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Tamgadhudnurlgumvolhig, she will turn you into a snail.

Tamgadhudnurlgumvolhig's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Tamgadhudnurlgumvolhig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair brown.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate ducks.

5. Do not trade with those who eat limes.